" Of words unspoken and promises unkept,
Of dreams unfulfilled and tasks unfinished,
Of all the successes achieved and all the losses incurred,
My search for my purpose in life has spawned more questions
than has had them answered. "
It's being 20 long years. Twenty years of futile search in
this weird planet for my purpose, my objective , my motive
for existence and subsistence. what I have received in
return have been more and more questions. Answers do appear
somewhere around the horizon but they bring with them
another burden of questions. And as such being an
over-inquisitive quizzer, I keep lurking in the dark in the
trail of their answers. In these twenty years, I have seen
a lot of things and shut my eyes to a few... made friends
with some and bought enmity with some... suffered a broken
heart and mended others... have understood great mysteries
of nature and solved some... drunk the elixir of knowledge
and hidden behind the veils of ignorance... have shot to
stardom on occasions and lost into obscurity for the rest
of the time. It's been such a life that neither can I be
thankful for it nor can I be not thankful for it. The reason
being I haven't known how life looks when seen from outside
my life. I have been me throughout these twenty years and so
don't know what it feels like not being me. What I have
indeed figured out is that we got to make choices in our life.
We cannot ask for the heaven and get to be the sinned ones at
the same time. We have the right to choose what we want or be
thrusted upon a choice that we have to take irrespective of
our needs. It is these choices that totally change our life
and pave our future. It is these choices that decide our
victory or defeat in the game of life. A life of choices...
that is what our lives eventually get reduced to. I have made
some choices in life whose outcomes I still await. Some
choices that I made, though, still ask for justifications. My
pursuit for academics made me force my passion for sports,
music and dramatics to take a backstage. Similar decisions
also made me get reclusive and affected my personal life.
Although I am in a favourable position at present, decisions,
like these, taken by me do still unbalance me. It is not
because I have made some wrong decisions but because every
choice I made won me some rewards in life and bereaved me of
some joys of life. The same is with everyone of us. It's a
pity that even though we have the power of choice, we do not
have the right not to make any choice because by doing that,
it itself would become a choice.
