Borne Identity

" Some People are born with an identity, others have borne one".


Who am I? This three worded question is one of the toughest ones for me to answer. I have been searching for my identity since the day I understood the basic underlying truth of the world that life is nothing but a race for survival. Identity is the only thing that sets us apart from animals, no matter in whatever ways may we be related to them. It is the only thing that sustains my growth as an individual in this crowded universe and sets me apart from every other entity. I have always tried to establish an identity of my own, that would truly speak of the real me. It's not been that easy though because life does not always propagate you to display the real 'you' to the outside world. These inhibitions are often the call of the time and situation, two essential elements that lay constraints around you. Also sometimes it may so happen that you don't want the world to know why you do certain things. These are the times you need to disguise yourself as someone else. And it is these disguises that veil our real identities. When I retrospect back into my past, I find that I have only at certain junctures shown the world my true identity while most of the times the mask I put on (which the world thinks to be me) is something that even I find a stranger. While there are numerous reasons for this masquerade, it is difficult to enumerate why I have been unable to shed this veil. No doubt this veil has become my identity to the outer world. What is much more of a concern for me is that I seem to have lost the skills I once possessed in handling my disguises as I find myself inquiring about my real identity. The real me seems to have somewhere lost itself in the shrouds of my cloaked identity.

Although as a 21 year old I haven't seen the whole world, yet my experiences have taught me a lot about the how all these work. The various stages of our life have a lot of impact on our growing up. In our pre-teen years we always try to emulate other people, who have influenced us. During the teens and early twenties, when we are suddenly thrusted onto the threshold of worldly existence, we start looking out for carving an image for ourselves. This leads to an egoistic surge for the making of the 'I' different from others that could be easily recognised amongst a crowd. This 'I' predominates all the decisions and choices we make. Later on we start understanding our responsibilities and our family comes into the forefront but the 'I' always stays at the back of our mind. These quite often lead to what we call a duel between us and the whole world termed, pretty aptly, as identity crisis. Often the identity that we carve for ourselves is not the persona envisioned by us. Well indeed some people are born with an identity that they are never able to shed and sometimes don't want to shed it and try to accumulate as much as they can on the basis of these identities. As for myself, I have been building my own for several years and though I seem to have lost myself in the confused whirlpool of the quest for the real me, I believe one day the whole world will actually figure out who I really am. Truly enough, some people are born with an identity, while others have to borne one.

In the Name of Love ...

Love :
strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties ; the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration and unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another

What can you say about a feeling when the world seems to you as a distant reality and you start living in a world of dreams? An emotion that transforms even the staunch pessimist into a optimistic soul who sees a ray of hope in every action done upon him. You become nobler by virtues, kinder at heart and caring in nature. I haven't figured it out as to what it as, yet, but my friends say that these are signs of love, so let us assume that this is love. Love is indeed a very pristine, sweet and binding experience that is at times tender and at times tough. Love gives you a being of togetherness that helps you reinvent yourself. Love is a source of strength and support. Certainly love is not the aim of life but a very integral part of it that, however we might ignore, will anyhow find a way into our lives. I have been in love and although a sad ending is in sight, I don't regret being in love. Being in love has helped me find myself, given me a sense of maturity and responsibility, helped me sort out my priorities and most importantly restored my faith in myself. I had always assumed that I would easily avoid being in love, which I earlier considered a distraction, but Cupid is definitely a sharpshooter and he didn't miss me either. Although the way my love story is shaping up unless a miracle happens, I would never be able to express my love to my sweetheart (for her goodwill though) but then I had never made a deal that I should get love in return of mine. In spite of my current stand in love, which you might consider as a result of my craziness or foolery, I don't have any complaints because my love for my sweetheart has given me enough strength to get me through a very bad phase although she might never know this. I think these words and feelings are better understood by those who have been through this. My advice to all will be that you should be in love at least once in your life so that you understand its essence and magnanimity. And no matter how much you try to ignore it or get desperate with it, love will catch you unaware and surprise you. Love is dictated by Mother Nature and is something you cannot escape nor can be thrusted upon. Love will happen when it has to and when you least expect it to.

Love has been a very favourite topical for many a scripts but I find the true essence of love in very few of those. I, certainly, can't comprehend why it is said that all is fair in love because I think there are some rules to this. You can't betray your sweetheart for others nor can you give up everything else for your sweetheart. I have seen people giving up their families for love and being hailed as soldiers of love. I have read about people killing for love. Is it love?Love never teaches these. Love can never get you far from anyone because it's job is to bind. Love binds all of us together then how can it be love if you betray one for the other. Love preaches of a perfect balance in life. Love gives you the strength to defend not attack others. Love is not just about living and dying together but being together forever at heart even though not physically and uniting others with the power of our love. Unlike all good things though, I feel, true love doesn't always have a happy ending and the essence of true love is loving one irrespective of what the climax of the story will be.

A lot been said about love (maybe this is my last treatise on love), my views might differ from that of others but still all of us have done what we have done in love , all in the name of love ...

Bloggers ahoy !!!

Welcome to the world of e-writings !!! A highly innovative galaxy of inconsequential collection of both pragmatic as well as theoritical compositions. If you are still perplexed at what I am speaking about, then let me get to the point straightaway. The point for dissection today is the advent of the weblogs or the thing that we know in a better way as blogs. Blogs have so inundated into the digital web that they have found their way into the dictionaries, implying penning down articles on a website totally dedicated to these. The immensely popular Indian portal Rediff.com has rated e-blogs as one of the top ten emerging trends of 2005 ( read http://specials.rediff.com/yearend/2005/dec/20yend5.htm and http://www.rediff.com/getahead/2005/sep/22blog.htm). The success of blogging is no mystery. Although it came to being as an instrument for noting important stats for personal use, blogs have metamorphosised into means of sharing personal experiences, expressing personal views, gossip engines etc. I was even stunned to see certain blogs being used by budding authors for getting exposure to their latest works by posting excerpts from these on their blogs. Blogs have been a boon for people like me who find it much easier to express their feelings and views in writings than through the word of mouth. Although I took up blogging to get a face to my suppressed views and have tried to make my blog as private as possible by making it accessible to restricted elite group, the accessibility to blogs is user-customisable i.e., you can make your blog a secret diary for your personal viewing only or a public repository. The most amusing thing about this is that you are reading this article about blogging in a blog !!! That speaks a lot about how blogs have entered in your life. With a number of people around me getting into this activity (even people whom I have never dreamt of writing), one thing's for sure blogging is here to stay.

Destiny's Child ...

Destiny - des·ti·ny - (dst-n) n. :
The power or agency thought to predetermine events

No doubt the gigantic world has submitted itself at the mighty strength of the human race but there is an element that no living creature has ever enslaved. It is this very thing that astonishes us every now and then reducing our enormous capabilities to mere facets of ornamentation. It is this very thing that has dictated the out comings of billions of years of human beings' existence. Call it Destiny, Fate, Fortune or Luck ... the power underneath remains the same. Man has so long tried to evade it but to no avail. In simple words, Destiny holds the keys to the future. Mankind has always searched for clues to know the secret of this entity and no matter whatever amount of research has been done to predict its path, destiny remains the mysterious stranger who decides the eventual consequence of any event. Myths have always floated around about how destiny works. Some claim that the world we live in is a precompiled script of the Almighty and as the plot moves on and the future unfurls, we call it destiny. Another faction claims that we are all part of a chess match between the Good and the Bad, and destiny is nothing but a move made by any of the either sides. The Scientific Community has deep belief that destiny works on Newton's third Law - " To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction ". Hence as we sow, so we reap i.e., whatever happens in the future is because of our actions in the present. The Religious Community, which believes that man is reborn again and again till the spiritual attainment of Moksha, is of the view that destiny is an agent of God which keeps track of all the deeds of a human in its past birth and implements the results of his present actions on the basis of this. Whatever may be the views on this there can be only one conclusion - there is no way escaping our future and our fate for we are all Destiny's Children.

My Advice :
Simple... There is no point in toiling over something where we don't have any control. What we can do is our duty i.e., do what we have to without worrying about what future holds for us. At least then if we fail, we can be happy that we tried our best but destiny had other plans for us, rather not at all trying and leaving everything at fate's mercy.

Love's Labour Lost...

“The worst situation in love is when you fall in love with someone who doesn’t know you exist."

I have been writing a bit too much on love because I am trying to understand the intricacies involved. Why isn't everyone successful in love and why do break-ups occur in relationships? I don't know the answers to these. First things first... The world doesn't recognize silent lovers. Obviously, how can it when it doesn't know the person? So those people get lost somewhere in the pages of history. And there are indeed many lovers who succumb to there shy nature and in spite of the fact that their love is true and they could have made a great partner, have a sad and disappointing ending to their love life. But let’s spare a thought for those who keep the flame of their love alive even after knowing that the very person they are so much in love with is not aware of his existence. Sounds much like a movie script but then aren't movies based on real life incidents? The problem with people is that everyone falls in love at some point of time but few really understand the meaning. Love is not a business deal where you expect the other one to reciprocate. Love is more of a feeling where you care for the other one irrespective of what the other one feels. There is no such thing called revenge or domination in love and ego is one of the biggest spoilers in love. Whatever attitudes might be propagated by movies, I personally feel that love is so pure and innocent that the only thing you care for is that your partner is never hurt. Hence things like going against family and forgetting your close ones is never advocated by love. In fact love is such a feeling you start seeing the good things in life and try to balance everything in life. Lastly a word for the persons who have sacrificed in love - they are the ones who have understood the depth of love. They have given more importance to their partner's feelings and happiness. So it doesn't really matter to them if we call their cases as love's labour lost...

Down With Love...

This piece of wisdom coming from the same person who had baffled you all with " The Magic of Love or is it?” might be a shocker for you but this means two things. Either this blogger has been metamorphosised by time or he has caught the bug. It's for you to guess but the views represented below are an extension of what I had earlier ascertained.

"The Magic of Love or is it?" doesn't end there, it just claims to highlight 'a good thing gone wrong' notion about love. I have just remarked at how people forget their priorities while placing all their attention on the bliss of love. Love isn't bad or forbidden; it’s just that there is a line that should not be crossed. Love is not about just being together, it’s about understanding each other. True love has such enormous power that both opposites and like minded people gel together. In love, physical closeness or distance is of least importance. No matter where are you, love binds you both together. As people refer to courage and fear as its all in the mind, I would say with reference to love that it’s all in the heart. Love for me is not just a moment of excitement but a long lasting feeling of togetherness. But what I find toughest in love is conveying the other that you love her. It is extremely tough at least for a shy person like me. May be this has been the reason why I have been unsuccessful in love and may be myself being a bit too choosy also has its percussions on it. Well whatever the case may be I strongly believe that keeping the relationship alive is as important as making sure there is one. Well then love is such a beautiful feeling you never know when you are down with love...

And I Chose Family...

It didn't take me much time to come to a conclusion. After all, all I needed was to put myself in a crunch situation where I have to choose either my career or my family. And I found that however important be my career to me I will always return back to my family. No doubts about that. And do I have any regrets. I may have some ... but those are nothing in front of the happiness that I derive from my family - however small and irrelevant they may be. I personally believe if one can not contribute towards the well being of his family, he can never contribute towards the upliftment and advancement of mankind as a whole. Career is important to me and I know that I am here for fulfilling something great but I won't be able to achieve it without the support of my family and the love of my dear ones. May be it was just an identity crisis that forced me ask this trivial question but nevertheless I was able to understand myself better and regain my self-respect. The only thing that hurts me is that I had to ponder over it for such a long time inspite of the fact that the answer lay so close to my heart.

When Priorities Collide ...

"In the battle of priorities/choices, it is always you who loses."

Among the many dilemmas that man faces, one is the age long battle of priorities between family and career. Two highly important facets of human life and always at loggerheads with each other. Since both require absolute dedication it is difficult to divide time between the two. What makes it much more difficult is that both of these are two of the most important components of one's life. Now lets judge the either side’s arguments.

Family should be the obvious choice for it is where you are supposed to return back. While career can provide you with fame and other materialistic goodies, it can never bring you the pure happiness that your family gives you. However rich or famous may you be, at the end of the day it is always the family you turn towards in search of untampered love and care. Moreover it is one's duty to repay back to your family all that has been done for you. And overlooking your family for your career is utter betrayal.

Career ought to be the obvious choice. Something else comes before your family, that is the mankind. All of us have some responsibilities towards mankind. We need to devote ourselves to our work so that we can be responsible for the advancements of tomorrow that would make life easier for the generations to come. And family is a major hindrance towards such devotion because it prevents you from taking risks - which is the basis of all great achievements.

However you might argue, it is very difficult to choose one of the two. Take the case of most of the great people in history, their private lives had been highly unsuccessful. And people who have had very good personal lives have rarely contributed to the mankind. Whatever you may choose (because you have to one day), ultimately you will be the loser because you will have to give up one thing or the other.

A Choice we can't make...

" Of words unspoken and promises unkept,
Of dreams unfulfilled and tasks unfinished,
Of all the successes achieved and all the losses incurred,
My search for my purpose in life has spawned more questions
than has had them answered. "

It's being 20 long years. Twenty years of futile search in
this weird planet for my purpose, my objective , my motive
for existence and subsistence. what I have received in
return have been more and more questions. Answers do appear
somewhere around the horizon but they bring with them
another burden of questions. And as such being an
over-inquisitive quizzer, I keep lurking in the dark in the
trail of their answers. In these twenty years, I have seen
a lot of things and shut my eyes to a few... made  friends
with some and bought enmity with some... suffered a broken
heart and mended others... have understood great mysteries
of nature and solved some... drunk the elixir of knowledge
and hidden behind the veils of ignorance... have shot to
stardom on occasions and lost into obscurity for the rest
of the time. It's been such a life that neither can I be
thankful for it nor can I be not thankful for it. The reason
being I haven't known how life looks when seen from outside
my life. I have been me throughout these twenty years and so
don't know what it feels like not being me. What I have
indeed figured out is that we got to make choices in our life.
We cannot ask for the heaven and get to be the sinned ones at
the same time. We have the right to choose what we want or be
thrusted upon a choice that we have to take irrespective of
our needs. It is these choices that totally change our life
and pave our future. It is these choices that decide our
victory or defeat in the game of life. A life of choices...
that is what our lives eventually get reduced to. I have made
some choices in life whose outcomes I still await. Some
choices that I made, though, still ask for justifications. My
pursuit for academics made me force my passion for sports,
music and dramatics to take a backstage. Similar decisions
also made me get reclusive and affected my personal life.
Although I am in a favourable position at present, decisions,
like these, taken by me do still unbalance me. It is not
because I have made some wrong decisions but because every
choice I made won me some rewards in life and bereaved me of
some joys of life. The same is with everyone of us. It's a
pity that even though we have the power of choice, we do not
have the right not to make any choice because by doing that,
it itself would become a choice. 

How green was my valley ?

Well I am back to blogging after a long time. It is not that I had nothing to write but couldn't devote enough time to blog. Well watched Swadesh again and was touched again. A great movie and spectacular performance from an actor whom I hate the most. May be it is my hatred for him (for reasons best kept out of this blog) or his amazing performance that I felt onscreen was a real life person named Mohan Bhargav. I don't see any resemblances between him and me in terms of elementary similarities like his attitude, academics, job etc. but still I found he was conveying some of my feelings throughout the movie. Like Mohan, I try being one of the system yet different from it (what you would rather call standing out of the crowd). Mohan's decision in the end to quit his job in NASA sounds a bit odd and immature but if we look back in our lives, there are many such points when we give up big things to gain small things because those small things attain greater importance in our life than those big things. What Swadesh does is make us realise that and remind us what we are and where we belong. Two dialogues will stand out in my memory for long. The first being - Apne hi paani mein pighal jaana baraf ka muqadar hota hai( it is the fate of ice to melt into its own waters ). The other one being when Dayashankar Pandey compares the actions of the migrating indians as apne chaukhat ka diya giving light to the neighbour's house( the light of one's compound giving light to neighbour's house). Not just dialogues but messages for us to understand our roots and ourselves and help us carve our future. Moreover Mohan's efforts in bringing electricity to his village and then staying over in his village to do more for his village, may seem to idealistic to people but it indeed envisages the very Indianness that makes us so different from others. It highlights the optimism and vision that keeps us going. It reminds us that if there is going to be any revival of our motherland then it will be we who can do it. Yes we... we , the people.