"There is no US in this . "
Max Payne in MAX PAYNE 2 - THE FALL OF MAX PAYNE
In the journey of a lifetime, people say, it is always mandatory to have the company of someone who would help you in traveling the distance, be it your family or a close friend or the love of your life. This partner boosts you up when you are feeling low, comforts you in your sorrow and rejoices with you in your happiness, makes you feel your worth in this mad mad world and accompanies you through the ages. However I find myself castaway from this great virtue of companionship. I have been a selfish person throughout my life who has never thought about anything else but himself. I have always seen the world through my eyes and have disregarded the views of others in all respects. Through the years I have spent as myself, I have become such a stingy individual that my perceptions have become so much individualistic and egoistic that I have become incompatible with every other being in this world. Hence for the sake of their betterment and mine, it is justifiable that I tread the path alone.
My Family has not only been my greatest gift, my most essential weakness, my indefinite source of inspiration and strength but also the cause of whatever I am today. But in spite of all this, I won't be able to be with my family forever. Although I will never ever do anything that would bring shame to the name of my family and I know that one day I would reach such heights that my family will be proud of me, I feel I cannot always stick to my family because as a member of my family, my self-centered activities would do more harm than good to the peace of the homely environment. My family might misunderstand my withdrawal and aloofness and build a highly wrong image of mine but I am ready to pay this price in return of my family enjoying a happy and peaceful life.
My Friends have been a great means of sustenance for me who have often lifted me from the horrific world of reality to an enchanting globe of enjoyment. They have shared my dreams, boosted me up when I was down, encouraged and supported me in my work and have had faith in me even when everything seemed to be going against me. But I have given them nothing in return. A fake sense of togetherness, always concealed the real me from them, always tried to protect my interests even when I was helping them and worst of all, have never shared my sorrows and problems with them. I am not sure whether the way I have lost contact with my past friends, I would desert the ones I have now but one thing I am sure about is that neither can I repay them for whatever they have done for me nor can I include them in my journey of life as a permanent member.
My love for my sweetheart has been an absolute gift in disguise for me. It has taught me the lessons of sacrifice and affection that had for long eluded me. But the crossroads where I stand now prevent me from even expressing my love for her. Though she might never know it, she had come pretty close to becoming the US I had for long avoided. Moreover the relationships, that I have seen in others' lives, and the following break-ups have imparted such a dark frame in my imagery that I am afraid of building a relationship. The way life is shaping up for me, I presume love and relationships will remain a mirage for me in my future.
The only thing that still propels me through all the hardships, disappointments and frustrations is the will to achieve my dreams and fulfill my objectives why I am down here. This zeal convinces me that one day I will reach great heights and everyone who has been with me at any juncture of my life will be proud of that association and feel happy for me. To the world I might someday appear as one who has excelled and succeeded in the materialistic surge for superiority but only I will know what a big failure I have been on the personal front. The ones whom I love the most have been the ones who have hurt me the most and the tragedy is that in spite of all this, I can't see them get hurt. I will always pray for their well being and happiness even though knowingly/unknowingly they have shaped me into this monster. I am not worried about how the world or my closed ones interpret me tomorrow but I am convinced about one thing that my life with all its goodies and tortures are mine and I will share it with none. I came to being into this world alone and I will handle my existence alone before I leave it all alone...
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Monday, January 16, 2006
Dreamcatcher
"Dreams give me wings to fly,
Opportunities so that I can try,
Tears so that I can cry,
Makes me do things from which I would normally shy.
Away from all the worldly strives,
In my dreams I have lived many a lives,
And therein, still, all my passion thrives,
where live my lonely vibes. "
In this world of harsh realities, dreams are the only way out. It is the only place of existence which is quite unlike the materialism we persist in, a place where all the ground realities are falsified, where all the laws of nature are defied, where all your wishes are fulfilled and nightmares come true. Imagine what would have happened to mankind if we humans had been deprived of this fantastic property! Many an inventions have been conceived in dreams, many an epics unfurled in them, many a symphonies been composed in them and many an aspirations been nurtured in them. Dreams are supposed be a sort of image sequencing done by the various facts known to you and the wide array of thoughts circling your mind even when you seem to be thoughtless. Well that would be the non-scientific explanation of dreams... I have nurtured many a dreams and personally feel unless you dream, you can't envision your goal. Not only the vision but also the persisting motivation to excel is provided by dreams. But the tragedy remains that seldom do all those dreams materialise. There is nothing more devastating than letting your dreams vanish into deprecating clouds of a myriad black hole and that too when the fault doesn't lie with you, you never lost sight of your dreams but destiny had other plans for you. I had dreamt of love, when I awoke I found myself receding away from it. I had dreamt of touching new frontiers and letting people know my capabilities, when I awoke I found my plans eroded. I had a dreamt of an aura of peace in my life, when I awoke I found a glutinous hue of discord surrounding me. I had dreamt of an ambition that I really wanted, when I awoke I found myself moving towards a mirage the world demanded. I had dreamt of a perfect world for myself, when I awoke I found myself living in a world that was crumbling every second of it.
Yet I haven't stopped dreaming... I'll never. Without my dreams, I lose the zeal for sustenance and I am reduced to someone I don't know. My dreams might have tumbled but I am not the one to give up. I know one day my dreams will decide the future of tomorrow. I am living for it. I am dreaming for it...
Opportunities so that I can try,
Tears so that I can cry,
Makes me do things from which I would normally shy.
Away from all the worldly strives,
In my dreams I have lived many a lives,
And therein, still, all my passion thrives,
where live my lonely vibes. "
In this world of harsh realities, dreams are the only way out. It is the only place of existence which is quite unlike the materialism we persist in, a place where all the ground realities are falsified, where all the laws of nature are defied, where all your wishes are fulfilled and nightmares come true. Imagine what would have happened to mankind if we humans had been deprived of this fantastic property! Many an inventions have been conceived in dreams, many an epics unfurled in them, many a symphonies been composed in them and many an aspirations been nurtured in them. Dreams are supposed be a sort of image sequencing done by the various facts known to you and the wide array of thoughts circling your mind even when you seem to be thoughtless. Well that would be the non-scientific explanation of dreams... I have nurtured many a dreams and personally feel unless you dream, you can't envision your goal. Not only the vision but also the persisting motivation to excel is provided by dreams. But the tragedy remains that seldom do all those dreams materialise. There is nothing more devastating than letting your dreams vanish into deprecating clouds of a myriad black hole and that too when the fault doesn't lie with you, you never lost sight of your dreams but destiny had other plans for you. I had dreamt of love, when I awoke I found myself receding away from it. I had dreamt of touching new frontiers and letting people know my capabilities, when I awoke I found my plans eroded. I had a dreamt of an aura of peace in my life, when I awoke I found a glutinous hue of discord surrounding me. I had dreamt of an ambition that I really wanted, when I awoke I found myself moving towards a mirage the world demanded. I had dreamt of a perfect world for myself, when I awoke I found myself living in a world that was crumbling every second of it.
Yet I haven't stopped dreaming... I'll never. Without my dreams, I lose the zeal for sustenance and I am reduced to someone I don't know. My dreams might have tumbled but I am not the one to give up. I know one day my dreams will decide the future of tomorrow. I am living for it. I am dreaming for it...
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Seven things that embarrass me
Well the following are the most voted embarrassing moments that were found during a recent poll taken by Champ. However only one person voted ( who else but Champ himself !!! ) and these are his personal selections. So here we go :-
7. I suddenly go on to the microphone and am about to deliver a very energetic speech when I suddenly figure out that I can't remember what I have to say and about hundreds of people are enthusiastically staring at me.
6. People taking my photographs or recording on me on camera and suddenly all the attention of the crowd is on me(and people say I am photogenic !!!).
5. Finding myself in a crowd of which I know none and I have to stay there for some hours and the only thing I can do is stare at other people who , on the other hand, are exchanging weird glances at me as if I am an alien.
4. I meet a person on the road, assume him to be a 'long time no see' friend of mine and start talking to him, untill soon I find out that I have got the wrong person. The embarassment adds up when that person turns out to be another person whom I really know.
3. I meet a relative in a party and can't recall his/her name and suddenly he/she asks me, " Do you recognise me? Tell Who I am? ". I am tongue-tied as I can't figure out who he/she is but have already given an impression that I know him/her.
2. Waiting for the Traffic light turn green while being stranded in a traffic jam and then the light goes green but... My bike won't start and hoards of horn sounds behind me just remind me that I am blocking the way of other vehicles.
1. I am caught by a family member while I am doing something uncensored (I wouldn't like to specify what uncensored means !!!)
N.B. : Let me assure you my personal preferences have nothing to do with the lines "Seven things" nor am I trying to make a spoof of Stephen Covey ( aka the author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" ). Its only that I ran out of more embarrassing ideas, so do expect a sequel and maybe after that another prequel to that sequel...
7. I suddenly go on to the microphone and am about to deliver a very energetic speech when I suddenly figure out that I can't remember what I have to say and about hundreds of people are enthusiastically staring at me.
6. People taking my photographs or recording on me on camera and suddenly all the attention of the crowd is on me(and people say I am photogenic !!!).
5. Finding myself in a crowd of which I know none and I have to stay there for some hours and the only thing I can do is stare at other people who , on the other hand, are exchanging weird glances at me as if I am an alien.
4. I meet a person on the road, assume him to be a 'long time no see' friend of mine and start talking to him, untill soon I find out that I have got the wrong person. The embarassment adds up when that person turns out to be another person whom I really know.
3. I meet a relative in a party and can't recall his/her name and suddenly he/she asks me, " Do you recognise me? Tell Who I am? ". I am tongue-tied as I can't figure out who he/she is but have already given an impression that I know him/her.
2. Waiting for the Traffic light turn green while being stranded in a traffic jam and then the light goes green but... My bike won't start and hoards of horn sounds behind me just remind me that I am blocking the way of other vehicles.
1. I am caught by a family member while I am doing something uncensored (I wouldn't like to specify what uncensored means !!!)
N.B. : Let me assure you my personal preferences have nothing to do with the lines "Seven things" nor am I trying to make a spoof of Stephen Covey ( aka the author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" ). Its only that I ran out of more embarrassing ideas, so do expect a sequel and maybe after that another prequel to that sequel...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)