The Story of US

"There is no US in this . "
       Max Payne in MAX PAYNE 2 - THE FALL OF MAX PAYNE

In the journey of a lifetime, people say, it is always mandatory to have the company of someone who would help you in traveling the distance, be it your family or a close friend or the love of your life. This partner boosts you up when you are feeling low, comforts you in your sorrow and rejoices with you in your happiness, makes you feel your worth in this mad mad world and accompanies you through the ages. However I find myself castaway from this great virtue of companionship. I have been a selfish person throughout my life who has never thought about anything else but himself. I have always seen the world through my eyes and have disregarded the views of others in all respects. Through the years I have spent as myself, I have become such a stingy individual that my perceptions have become so much individualistic and egoistic that I have become incompatible with every other being in this world. Hence for the sake of their betterment and mine, it is justifiable that I tread the path alone.

My Family has not only been my greatest gift, my most essential weakness, my indefinite source of inspiration and strength but also the cause of whatever I am today. But in spite of all this, I won't be able to be with my family forever. Although I will never ever do anything that would bring shame to the name of my family and I know that one day I would reach such heights that my family will be proud of me, I feel I cannot always stick to my family because as a member of my family, my self-centered activities would do more harm than good to the peace of the homely environment. My family might misunderstand my withdrawal and aloofness and build a highly wrong image of mine but I am ready to pay this price in return of my family enjoying a happy and peaceful life.

My Friends have been a great means of sustenance for me who have often lifted me from the horrific world of reality to an enchanting globe of enjoyment. They have shared my dreams, boosted me up when I was down, encouraged and supported me in my work and have had faith in me even when everything seemed to be going against me. But I have given them nothing in return. A fake sense of togetherness, always concealed the real me from them, always tried to protect my interests even when I was helping them and worst of all, have never shared my sorrows and problems with them. I am not sure whether the way I have lost contact with my past friends, I would desert the ones I have now but one thing I am sure about is that neither can I repay them for whatever they have done for me nor can I include them in my journey of life as a permanent member.

My love for my sweetheart has been an absolute gift in disguise for me. It has taught me the lessons of sacrifice and affection that had for long eluded me. But the crossroads where I stand now prevent me from even expressing my love for her. Though she might never know it, she had come pretty close to becoming the US I had for long avoided. Moreover the relationships, that I have seen in others' lives, and the following break-ups have imparted such a dark frame in my imagery that I am afraid of building a relationship. The way life is shaping up for me, I presume love and relationships will remain a mirage for me in my future.

The only thing that still propels me through all the hardships, disappointments and frustrations is the will to achieve my dreams and fulfill my objectives why I am down here. This zeal convinces me that one day I will reach great heights and everyone who has been with me at any juncture of my life will be proud of that association and feel happy for me. To the world I might someday appear as one who has excelled and succeeded in the materialistic surge for superiority but only I will know what a big failure I have been on the personal front. The ones whom I love the most have been the ones who have hurt me the most and the tragedy is that in spite of all this, I can't see them get hurt. I will always pray for their well being and happiness even though knowingly/unknowingly they have shaped me into this monster. I am not worried about how the world or my closed ones interpret me tomorrow but I am convinced about one thing that my life with all its goodies and tortures are mine and I will share it with none. I came to being into this world alone and I will handle my existence alone before I leave it all alone...